This is my story, this is my song.

Love is rare and special, but should not be treated as if it will break. Love needs to be thrown around and beat up a little bit, worn in, but not worn down. Love needs to be a comfortable feeling, a place to go when NO ONE else in the world can relate. A safe place, where you know that no matter how ugly you look or how angry you are, you will still be loved.

(Source: inbarrenplaces)

Life lessons learned at the rockclimbing gym.

 I’ve been praying for weeks to gain wisdom in a certain area and today it came to me so clearly after climbing. I’ve been fighting this battle, which conceptually is so cliche, but in actuality can be such a struggle as I’ve come to learn. It’s this idea that I can “choose” to love certain people. Shouldn’t love just come naturally? Can’t I reserve the right to distance myself from people? Well, not actually. Here’s why.

To explain, I bring you back to the rockclimbing gym. It seems that the place I am always stuck on the rockwall the longest is when I’m just a few feet or so from reaching the top. Such was the case today on this wall that I was climbing for the first time. So there I am, dozens of feet above solid ground, trying to calculate my next move. My arms, which feel like a bowl of liquid jello at this point (and that’s being generous) are just about ready to give out. Madison, my belayer and trusty BFF, was sending up a continuous stream of encouragement my way. I think at one point I even started to speak words of encouragement to myself. Pathetic, I know. But despite it all, I refused to let go and move on because I was convinced that there was just nothing left for my body to give. We have this saying in our class that if you’re gonna come down, you gotta come down swinging. I think I was the one who actually coined this phrase, and personally, it’s a great motto until you’re the one 40 feet above the ground clinging for dear life. I wanted to come down in the worst way. Something eventually took over me though as I reached with shaky hands for the next rock, and then the next. With great effort, I did eventually make it to the top.

So what does any of this have to do with love you say? Looking back on my experience, I realized that my ability to reach the top was not so much about how I was or wasn’t feeling but ultimately what I had willed myself to do. My mind chose to do it first, then my body followed. It made me realize, I’m not going to wait till the mood strikes to give my affection and love. I’m not going to only affirm people around me when I’ve had a good day and I feel up to it. When I’m shot, when I have nothing left to give, that is precisely the time when I’m going to choose to love in my words and actions and trust God that my heart will follow. Trusting that I will eventually feel these feelings is a leap of faith for sure, but the only alternative is putting love on hold and I won’t reserve what God Himself has poured out so generously on me. I think the ultimate wake-up call in this little rock climbing adventure of mine happened on the ground when Madison said to me “You knew what you had to do the whole time Mel, you just didn’t want to do it.”

And there you have it. The holy spirit has been telling me all along what to do, I’ve just been stubborn. Today I learned though that it IS possible to do the hard things and it is ultimately rewarding. My hard days are the perfect time to love how God has called me to love and trust that he will show up in ten thousand million ways to back these difficult decisions. Even if I fail, I’m gonna come down swinging. The last thing I want to say when I meet God face to face is that I refused to try. 

Fragments of My Week So Far

• Hebrew lessons on the phone from my Dad who was only partially conscious (it was really late at night which I believe significantly enhanced the entertainment factor)
• Two Classes Cancelled
• Work shirt donated to me after I mistakenly insinerated my old one with an iron
• Chocolate chip cookies purchased and subsequently devoured…(I blame my roommates Alex and Emma for their influence in the sweets department ;))
• Successful workout session
• Annnnd I now have a very specific idea of what I’d like to do after graduation. Say WHAAAT? Yep. You heard me.

So far, so good my friends!

No Place I’d Rather Be.

I think the best way to preface this entry is that I think safety is entirely and utterly overrated. I’m not encouraging violence or blind stupidity here, but I am promoting complete and total surrender to Jesus Christ and watching as your life goes from ordinary to something far, far, FAR more beautiful and fulfilling than anything you’ve ever seen.

Here’s what I mean by this. I just started reading this book Radical lately and since then and probably long before then God has just been turning my world upside down. Seriously, he’s shaking things up so much lately that it’s causing me to re-evaluate absolutely everything in my life. And let me just say, I am so thrilled. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how Christians have the tendency to water down the gospel to essentially cut themselves slack from living the life that God has called them to live. We only want to hear the feel good passages of the Bible and ignore all the hard things.

When we coddle ourselves we miss out on the big thrill of experiencing the Lord. PLEASE, if you experience nothing else in your time here on earth…please don’t miss out on this. If you believed wholeheartedly right in this moment that Jesus is true and he makes good on his promises, what would you do? Think about it. It’s as much a challenge for me as it is for you. We should quit changing his word to suit our lives and start changing our lives to suit His word.

I don’t know where this life is going to take me but I sure hope it won’t lead to simple middle class mediocrity. I want to live on the edge like the disciples. I want to pour out this love that God has given to me in such incredible abundance. I want to go to places I’d never dreamed that I would go. I want to do it all and I don’t want to hold it back anymore.

taking the long way around

hello blog world!

I know I have been neglectful in my updates, there is a good reason though! Not because my summer hasn’t been amazing or worth writing about, but simply because I am enjoying living real life and not being attached to my computer. It is a great feeling. I think the internet is a great tool, but it can so easily be misused.

So anyway, I have been loving my time spent here in Wildwood. Though I’ve really been enjoying myself, it’s been more than just a good time and a major socializing opportunity. God is at work here! It’s amazing to see his hand so evidently at work when you are surrounded by a group of dedicated believers.

Though for the most part I’ve been busy and haven’t had much time to stop and think, I will admit that I’ve been having random moments in my work day where I’ve begun to think of someone that used to be in my life that is no longer in it. This was a person that I really confided in, and we overcame a lot together. I really miss this relationship in my life, but I know that there is nothing I can actively do in the moment to restore it. I definitely think there are times when we should take steps of faith and other times when we should wait patiently.

only in New York city

…can you see middle aged women sporting nose rings

…spot a young guy with a faux hawk wearing a spoon as a bracelet

…will a restaurant charge you for a to go box

and last but not least…

…witness your best friend nearly get turned into a pancake as she valiantly shoves her body between subway doors as they are closing